We were so poor when I was growing up…
I had a corncob G.I. Joe.
When I was a kid, I had only one change of clothes, so my mom had to wrap me in a blanket every night to do the wash.
We had only one fork; at dinner, I’d take a bite and pass the fork and by the time it came back around, I had finished chewing and was ready for the next bite.
We could only afford buttons with one hole.
When we ate out, we couldn’t get it to go because we couldn’t afford to go anywhere.
In shop class, I had to make a bird trailer instead of a bird house.
The tooth fairy left us food stamps.
When our trees changed colors in the fall, it was in black and white.
We skinny dipped with our clothes on so that they’d get one good wash a week.
When the canary died in the mines, we ate it.
In my first little league game, I stole second base, hid it under my shirt, and ate it later.
My brother and I took turns holding up each others britches because we couldn’t afford a belt.
We ate seconds first so we’d have the main meal later.
When the milk curdled, we just chewed.
Every time we got a new car, we recycled the air from the old tires to the new tires just to save a little money.
My piggy bank skinnied up and withered away.
We burned the candle at just one end.
When my arithmetic teacher told us that numbers cannot be divided by zero, I said, “Watch me.”
Instead of a security blanket, I had a security handiwipe.
When the cashier said she needed my driver’s license, I demanded, “What about my needs.”
When I left the door open and someone said, “What, were you born in a barn?” I could honestly answer, “Yes.”
When the local priest took a vow of poverty, he called on us for pointers.
Moths had to bring in their own clothes so they wouldn’t starve to death.
We had to pay it backward.
We acted poorly in the community play so we could gather up tomatoes thrown at us.
We planted candy corn in July to grow something for Trick or Treatin’ come October.
We also planted birdseed with the hopes of one day having meat to eat.
I was glad to be born a boy because at least I had something to play with.
(Not mine! A doctor friend of the family said it.)
I was raised in a Quonset hut.
(This one is mine, and it’s true!)