60 & beyond, May

May 1 – The only purpose for a wedding is to inconvenience everyone else around you.  At least that’s how it seems these days.

May 2 – There are no objects in mirror that are closer than they appear.  But there are images of objects in mirror that just might be closer than you think.

May 3 – We all have mental issues.  You’re crazy if you think you don’t.

May 4 – It’s a good thing ravens fed Elijah (I Kings 17:6).  Pigeons would have crapped all over him.

May 5 – I have a little property.  Lately, I’ve been telling my wife that I’m going out to subdue the world as I was created to do in the beginning, maybe even in Pre-Fall garb.

May 6 – I’ve invited my wife to go with me as I subdue the world, like Eve helped Adam.  She makes excuses like “I’ve got to do the laundry.”  The laundry!  Not if we’re doing it right like in the Pre-Fall beginning!

May 7 – I just learned that the French word for water is eau.  It then occurred to me where I’ve seen that word before:  on my cologne bottle, as in eau de toilette.  You mean all this time I’ve been putting toilet water on myself?

May 8 – In these, my older (and questionably wiser) days, I’ve been wondering how Adam carried out his commission by God to subdue and dominate the world with…  well, with nothing (Genesis 1:28).  Naked, unarmed, unequipped, and untaught, he must have been created with some kind of holistic giftedness that made him able to take on the earth and all it contained in the days prior to his arrival.  Perhaps it was even a supernatural, divinely inspirited ableness endowed upon and in him by his Father.  It’s certain that things were different then, requiring a righteous ability to subdue and dominate which we men can only dream of doing today.  This begs the questions:  What specifically did he subdue?  Where exactly did he dominate?  And how in this world did he do this?  With just his bare hands, brains, brawn, and blessing by Creator God, Adam not only subdued and dominated, but apparently enjoyed doing so, speaking from a Christian, naturistically-inclined outdoor perspective – at least until his equally begat wife decided to superintend that which was forbidden.

May 9 – The best pocket knife to carry is the one that your grandpa would have been proud to own.

May 10 – If North America simply got in the way of Europeans trying to find a shorter trade route to India in the 1400’s, what did the moon get in the way of when North Americans landed there in 1969?

May 11 – If 4 out of 5 dentists recommend a good product, that means there’s a rogue tooth practitioner out there doing some weird stuff.  Probably the tooth fairy.

May 12 – Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  That’s easy.  The word “the” came first.

May 13 – Nothing is as noble as a brave, honorable, all-American boy who knows Jesus.

May 14 – Measure not a man’s handshake by the vigor of his clasp but by the virtue of his character.

May 15 – A man’s word is only good when spoken from his heart, not from his mouth.

May 16 – Canada geese are the nastiest birds on the face of the earth, rivaled only by robins.  Even pigeons know their place.

May 17 – My favorite person in the Old Testament is Jesus.

May 18 – I erstwhile readeth the KJV of the Bible and oft doeth at times, still, in mine mynster.  Me thinks I shan’t thither since I speaketh not the king’s tongue of læt, ‘twitch maketh me the rawgabbit of sarig woruld.  On second thought, I’ll keep reading it since it doesn’t affect me in the least.

May 19 – I’ve broken three knives that were supposed to be tougher than that:  a Case Circle C XX pocket knife, a Cold Steel Bushman (original), and a Kabar Marine Corp knife.  But an old Green River knife held up to more abuse than those three knives went through in total.  No wonder Green River knives were “the knife that won the west.”

May 20 – I go barefoot all the time (or at least as often as I can).  I rarely, if ever, get an injury outside.  But I’m always cutting my foot or stubbing a toe inside – one of many reasons I prefer to be naturally clad anytime…  especially outdoors.

May 21 – I don’t want to be in the mainstream.  I want to be in the Bloodstream.

May 22 – When I was young, I could run like the wind and could outrun any troublemaker.  Now that I’m getting old, I’ve slowed down a bit.  I find myself having to outwit troublemakers.  But I still have to be fast with that, too.  Of course, when you’re dealing with a halfwit, that means I’m really twice as fast already.

May 23 – Birth day, birthdays, Second Birth, and birthday suit – a match made in heaven, literally and divinely.

May 24 – A well-told story doesn’t make one listen, but it does make one long for more.

May 25 – There is a difference between storing and stocking:   If you have to store something, you probably don’t need it.  When you stock something, it’s because you know you’ll need.  You can save a lot of space observing the difference.

May 26 – I’m always glad to let someone have the last word.  That way, I don’t have to make up something either.

May 27 – If someone will show me an idiom, I’ll show them where he can stick it.

May 27 – Baby boys love to eat, poop, and sleep, with the uncanny ability to do all three at the same time.

May 28 – I have a stack of broken window regulators (6 to be exact, but I lost one in the shuffle) that I’ve collected from our family car, a top-of-the-line luxury vehicle that shouldn’t have these kind of problems.  I won’t name the maker who apparently has some real bone-headed engineers introducing cheap materials and crummy designs to their boss.  On top of that, we’ve had the head gasket and inner and outer oil seals replaced (I could have bought a nice, gently used, late model, low mileage car for the cost).  Add to that two water pumps, a wiper motor, and various other repairs of hundreds of dollars each, none of which should have shown up so soon on a luxury car that’s not that old and doesn’t have that many miles.  And now some kind of motor has gone out that opens and closes an AC vent.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that the computer system has been messing up for a long time.  I’ll take a Ford or Chrysler product any day, even a foreign made car over what I’m stuck with now.

May 29 – Today is Memorial Day (in the USA).  It’s also my 60th birthday.  Since only dead people are memorialized, I have to wonder what this means.

May 30 – Now that I’m 60, it’s all downhill from here.  I’m sure it won’t be any easier but I hear it will go much faster.

May 31 – My old Ford truck has served me well for over 20 years.  In fact, when I bought it, I called it my 20 year truck.  If it could tell stories of our adventures together, you wouldn’t believe it.  Some stories I don’t believe myself.  Old Ford trucks are known to spin a good yarn every now and then.